My Academy Awards 2013

I have a not-so-well-kept secret: At almost 28 years old, I've never watched the Academy Awards ceremony.

Snippets on YouTube, yes. Summaries in news coverages, yes. Nominated movies, yes. Previews of nominated movies, yes.

Never the actual ceremony in full.

There are several reasons for this, which I will now explain. All of them were and are exacerbated by one location-related factor: living in Germany makes watching the Oscars a bit difficult, because they're on in the early morning hours - on a Monday, no less. With that in mind, here are the factors for my Oscar-negligence to date:

1. I forgot they were on.
Being a teenager is way too chaotic to care about things that you're not going to be able to watch because your parents won't let you stay up so late, anyway.

2. I didn't give a flying fart.
There was a time when I liked movies. Period. I wasn't interested in the process of how they were made, nor which one was so good as to be nominated for anything. The glamor, glitz and gaggle about them was a mystery to me. I just watched and enjoyed.

3. Other things were more important.
Like, you know, life. It has its own mind about what we should be worried or excited about at any given time. An award show for a bunch of stories and strangers can drop pretty far down on that list.

4. I didn't have a TV.
Still don't. I mean, yes, I have a TV, but it's not connected to the cable or satellite. I only watch DVDs or play PlayStation on it.

As you can see, the fates have been conspiring against me for many years. Until now. Because, this year, it seems like the stars might align - and not just on the red carpet:

1. I know exactly when they're happening.

This coming Monday (morning). Plus, I'm old enough to decide for myself how late I stay up, or to go to work a few hours later than usual. It's good to be an adult. 

2. I give at least a hundred flying farts. 

I'm curious if the event lives up to its hype.

3. All things movie and film have become a big part of my life. 

They're important to me. I want to be a part of as many motion-picture-related matters as possible. I want to dig deep, learn the secrets of the industry. The Academy Awards are a part of that.

4. I don't need a TV to watch. 

At least not my own. I have American friends right here in Germany, who get the military networks and have offered to be my hosts (thanks Lindsey and Chris!) on Monday evening, when they are repeated on said networks. Meaning the whole time-difference issue is no problem anymore, either. Also, there's this newfangled phenomenon called streaming - one I can take advantage of, should the friend-option fall through for some inconceivable reason (the only one I can think of is the apocalypse, and since 2012 has already come and gone, I'm not worried).

All in all, I'm pretty confident that this is my Academy Awards year. I win, just for being able to watch them.

Of course, I've already picked my favorites for the "big" categories, the one's I think are going to win. 

Best Motion Picture: Lincoln
Best Leading Actor: Denzel Washington
Best Leading Actress: Quvenzhané Wallis
Best Supporting Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman (sorry, Hugh)
Best Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway (or Helen Hunt? Anne Hathaway? Helen Hunt? Aargh!)
Best Direcotr: Ang Lee (like Peter Jackson, he eats "unfilmable" for breakfast)
Best Screenplay (directly for screen): Zero Dark Thirty
Best Screenplay (based on previously published material): Silver Linings
Best Foreign Language Film: Amour

Since I haven't seen and therefor can't compare them all (yet), I can't say which ones I feel should win, so these are basically just wild guesses. But I've decided that, for every one I get right, I treat myself to a Kinder Riegel. Diet be damned. And for every one I'm wrong, I get a consolation Riegel (best candy evah!).

Either way, and in any case, I win; be it candy, knowledge, or my personal Academy Awards Category: Best Fullfiller of Private Wishes.