Analyzing Me and Writing (1) - Pantsing It

In my last post, I listed four quotes that completely apply to me in terms of writing. Blogging about them apparently wasn't enough for my feverish little brain, though. I kept thinking about them for days and nights and those life-preventing times called the working hours. So finally, I tried to figure out why they are so true for me. I came to several conclusions, which I want to share here in this and the next three posts.

The first ended up being an explanation about why I'm a pantser, not a plotter.


For me, writing is exploration; and most of the time, I'm surprised where the journey takes me.
Jack Dann

It's true, at least for me. The adventures my characters have are my adventures, too. But I only feel this sense of adventure and surprise if I don't outline beforehand. I've become wary of even jotting down ideas on how the story should proceed or what should happen, even if they are only single keywords. Heading towards an already ordained point in the plot limits my imagination and drowns my adventurous spirit. I'm a pantser first and a plotter never.

I'm aware that most writing-savvy people say you need at least some kind of outline. It makes sense and, believe me, I've tried. I've written outlines to great stories (if I may say so myself), and enjoyed writing them. But as soon as an outline is finished, I'm not invested in the project enough anymore to actually type tens of thousands of words, first of all because I already know what's going to happen (no more exploration), and second of all because I have to rein myself in all the time, so as to not stray from the pre-ordained frame of events. Sure, there's nobody but myself to make me stay within my outline, but if I know I'm not going to keep to it after page two, why then should I invest all the work in it in the first place? A single word in one line of dialogue can be enough to veer the plot into a different direction than previously assumed. I don't know my characters well enough in the beginning to be certain as to how they will react and what they will do when confronted with certain things that will force them to act and make decisions.

Yes, I have an idea where the story is going, but no, I never write it down, because the idea can change from chapter to chapter, from scene to scene, from sentence to sentence even. That may sound random and arbitrary and rambling, but that's how it works for me. 

What I do make notes of are questions that arise while I write and which need to be answered by the end of the story - that demand 'pay-off', if you will. I frequently return to these questions and either mark them as 'paid' or contemplate whether I can use them to further the plot at the point I'm currently at. As I said, I never know beforehand when or how they will turn up again or be paid-off.

In the end, everything in the story must serve a purpose. If something turns out to be a dead end or isn't resolvable or important, it's fodder for the delete-button. Which is my best friend in reviewing / rewriting and sees a lot of use, I must admit. Plotters probably don't delete quite as much as this-here pantser does.

Now you might observe that I'm not a professional author, that I've not managed to publish any of my novels with this extreme anti-outline philosophy and you'd be right. But my answer would be that, by pantsing it, I've at least finished several novels - not just outlines.

And I've had a hell of a fun ride along the way.

Back To Pantsing It

Lately, I’ve been finding myself in a bit of a pickle. I used to be a 100% pantser. I wrote what came to mind, what felt right should happen next in my story, having no idea where the story was headed and often not even with any specific world building or character background in mind. That all just seemed to come out of the woodwork and mostly fit together perfectly as the story progressed.

I wrote my first book like that and was surprised when in the end everything did actually fit together and several of the major plotlines turned out to be connected. It was basically as much a surprise to me as it was to my characters. :-)

But this process also took two years. Two years for just under 100.000 words. Of course, the original count was far higher; too many side plots, too many insignificant characters that didn’t move the story along or enrich it in any way. Taking them out and rewriting things to fit again was what took the longest.

So I decided to do a little plotting before starting my next story, to eliminate the time and energy spent on unnecessary story development. I had an exciting new idea and started jotting down notes for world building, character backgrounds and vague plot possibilities before starting on the actual story.

I’m about ¾ done with that story. It was a lot of fun to write. I say ‘was’ because I’ve stopped. I already know how it ends and that’s taken all the fun out of it for me. It’s like at Christmas, when you know exactly what’s in the big present. It’s what you wished for and wanted for months, and you still love it when you’ve unpacked it, but that initial moment of thrilling excitement - your true squee - when unpacking something you really want and weren’t expecting, isn’t there. It has been taken from you.

Knowing the end of my story has taken that initial thrill from me. Without it, writing is an effort, one where I sit down in front of the computer with this feeling of ‘I could be doing something better with my time’, and that’s not how I used to feel. I used to hardly be able to wait to sit down and write again. Basically, it became a chore instead of fun.

I’ve started other stories, all of them with a good idea of world building and what I wanted my characters to go through.

I broke them off, too, most after only two or three chapters. I bog myself down with too many certainties to actually enjoy the sensation of creating something while writing. My characters' motives and events used to be a mystery even to me. As a pantser, I was living in my characters’ here and now. I knew what they knew, or often even less. The possibilities started out endless and remained open. As a plotter, I have the feeling I eliminate all possibilities. With the rules I set for my world and characters, there’s only one course the story can take. Or at least that’s how it seems.

And that’s capital-b Boring.

So, I’ve decided to go back to being a pantser. It may take longer to finish a story, but who cares? I have only myself to please.

I’ll probably finish that ¾-story at some point - it’s too cool not to. But I will try to continue it with fresh eyes, picking up right where I left off without thinking about the ending I had in mind. Hopefully I’ll be able to surprise and thrill myself again that way.